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Writer's pictureOlga Torres

Tummy aches and the runs

So, two weeks ago I preached at San Juan Capistrano church. I was invited for both the morning and evening service. To say it was a blessing is an understatement. It was a mixed emotions type of thing. On the one side, I'm a my heaviest weight ever. I had a hard time finding a fitting dress and I was downright embarrassed because of my weight but as Jorge pointed out, it wasn't something I could quickly change so why bother getting worked over it and instead focus on the message. So I did, and it was a relief to get the words out of my mouth and later getting confirmation that there are others out there suffering in silence because of a breakdown in mental health.


That same day I received the invitation for a sermonette at McFadden, my home church. The church that saw me grow up, fall in love, marry and eventually saw my kids grow. To say I was weary is not saying enough. Again, the same issue came up in my head. My weight. I wasn't going to let it get me down so I came up with a plan. A genius plan, however, a not well thought out plan. More on this later. I did prepare myself and came Thursday, I was ready to go. Friday morning I woke up with a stomach ache and it just grew worse by hour. By the end of the night, I was vomiting, had the runs and was cramping up all over. I was miserable. I was hoping that by this morning, I would feel better and be able to attend church and carry through with the sermonette. Things don't always go as planned. At 3:30, we had to start burying my Gatito. One day, I will return to McFadden, feeling better about myself and sharing my experience with mental breakdowns. To God be the glory. For now, I mourn my Kilo. I see him from the corner of my eye trying to sneak into the room past Ollie but of course, it's just a figment of my imagination. My true and sad reality is that my Gatito will never walk into my room again and now I'm crying again.




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